October 26. Rory Lee Feek. Rory is an American country-music singer and songwriter. He has written songs for artists such as Clay Walker, Tracy Byrd, and Blake Shelton.
Rory has always been diligent about what he was called to do, but in the four years after the loss of his wife Joey, Rory raised funding and built a one-room school house on his farm, produced a movie as a tribute to Joey, To Joey, With Love, and wrote two powerful books. He also created a television series and released a film entitled Finding Josephine.
Meanwhile, Rory returned to singing and performed a series of concerts for the Music Health Alliance, and he performed at the Grand Ole Opry. He accepted awards for Joey and Rory’s Hymns album, which won a Grammy Award for Best Roots Gospel Album. All this while raising his little girl, who was two when Joey died. Rory is all about making the hard choices.
When the hard choice presents itself, do your own job, and choose love.
Almost done writing his third book, Rory noted that writing about this chapter in his life had been a whole lot easier than living it. The hearts of his daughters had been at stake. How he thought of himself as a Christian was at stake. The kind of man he would be, the way he would choose to live was at stake.
At one of the toughest times of his life—he had just buried his young wife Joey—Rory came home to the farmhouse to find his middle daughter, 27-year-old Hope, upset. Something was hurting her deeply, and she seemed afraid to tell him. He asked her what was wrong.
“‘You won’t understand,’ she answered through her tears. ‘You’ll judge me.’”
“‘Just tell me, Hopie,’ [Rory] said again. ‘It’s okay.’
And she did.”
Like Rory, Hope was a Christian, and now she sat at the kitchen table with him and told him that her friend Wendy was more than a friend, had been more than a friend for a while. Hope and Wendy were in love.
To say the least, Rory felt surprised. A tear presented itself, ran down his face.
“‘See, you’re judging me,’ she said.
“And without even knowing … I was.… She could see it on my face, see it in my eyes.”
Rory scrambled inside, tried not to knee-jerk react. This was his daughter he loved. But he said things he later thought he shouldn’t have said. Reality was smacking hard right up against what he had always believed as a Christian, and his life united with Jesus was Rory’s core.
“My conservative Christian faith was the first part of me to judge Hopie,” Rory wrote. “To want to push her away. To withhold love from her. And she could feel it. See it in my eyes. And in that moment, we had a conversation without any words.”
Her eyes were asking if he would still love her, and his eyes were answering.
“My eyes were hardening around the edges, just like my heart,” he wrote. “‘Probably not,’ they said, as I looked away. More ashamed of what I was thinking than of what she had shared with me.”
This father and daughter who loved each other, and who belonged to Jesus, didn’t work through the issue that night. They went their separate ways.
It took time to talk it through. For Rory to spend time with Wendy. To ask her questions, too. To know who she was.
It took time to talk with the Lord about it, to know what to think, what to do.
Rory described it, “Hopie has made me rethink everything I’ve ever thought when it comes to some things. And in other ways I’m still right where I always was. First off, I’m not the judge. That is not my job. I’m Hopie’s father. My job is to love her. She gets to make her decisions in life. All of them. I can approve or disapprove, but it’s her life, and she has a right to live it as she chooses.”
Rory wrote that this chapter in his life has been challenging. “I’ve still got a long way to grow, but I believe that I’m getting there. And I can’t help but think, in the end … how can we lose if we choose love?”
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34–35 NIV).
If someone you loved dearly made a life choice you don’t support, how could you work through that? When the hard choice presents itself, do your own job, and choose love.
Access. “Country Star Rory Feek Reveals His Faith Guided Him To Love His Gay Daughter Even More.” Published October 3, 2018. https://youtu.be/9P1jkVDmCl4.
Story read by: Chuck Stecker
Introduction read by: Daniel Carpenter
Audio production: Joel Carpenter
Story written by: Teresa Crumpton, https://authorspark.org/
Editor: Teresa Crumpton, https://authorspark.org/
Project manager: Blake Mattocks
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