April 30. Scott Rider. Scott is married to Tess, and they have four children. Together they’ve been through battles none of us would wish on our worst enemies. This kind of battle can wreck families and leave parents and children deeply alone.
Or God can show up.
Serious illness can tear a family apart, but a determined decision to rely on God can keep it together.
When Scott’s 18-month-old daughter, Sofia, was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor, his entire world shook.
Normal life was gone.
Instead, it would be full of uncertainty. Bills, exhaustion, the future, and most importantly, Sofia’s well-being, plagued him. And then there were the whispers of another problem, one he had rarely heard of: families falling apart because of childhood cancer.
For Scott, the risks seemed to be morphing into reality at an astounding rate. Time once set aside for playdates and family outings got scarfed up by surgeries, treatments, and trips to hospitals—local and out of state. Some stays lasted weeks, and the strains of constantly being away from home, along with the medical rollercoaster of not knowing which surgery or treatment would bring relief or make things worse—it all weighed heavy on the entire family.
Scott became exhausted. Physically, emotionally, mentally. And his family did, too.
The statistics and stories floated around the hospital. Caregiver stress and the strains of having a child with cancer risked the family being torn apart. With Sofia going through so much, and Scott still having to work and take care of his family while at the hospital, it wouldn’t take long before their family might become another sad statistic.
Scott decided to do something about it. He was not going to stand by and let cancer destroy his family.
Scott and Tess decided to make time for their relationship—despite the constant hospital stays. They’d be together for Sofia’s surgeries, but they’d also find time during the quieter moments to go out on a date.
The stress would not pull them apart, and they made a choice to keep their marriage strong—no matter what monster of an obstacle came at them. They made consistent concerted effort to be open in their communication. They shared their thoughts and feelings, frustrations and hopes. They refused to hold anything back from the other.
Scott knew that understanding his wife’s needs, as well as being honest about his own, would help them stay strong, so together they could be strong for Sofia.
But he didn’t just focus on his marriage. He focused on his kids, too. Sofia’s battle with cancer dragged on for years. When they passed the five-year milestone, Scott knew that Sofia’s younger siblings Nora, Zeke, and Jo would be watching how he handled all the stress.
A difficult diagnosis wasn’t going to stop the family from being there for each other. And Scott made sure the kids could count on that.
It wasn’t just Sofia fighting cancer. They were all fighting cancer, and the kids stepped up to help Scott and Tess. They encouraged Sofia during her down times, kept her happy if she felt sick or sad, and went with her to appointments and treatments.
While on a trip to Florida with other cancer-affected families, Nora met other kids like Sofia. She was amazed to see that Sofia wasn’t alone, yet she also grieved that those kids were suffering, too. Despite only being five years old, Nora was already displaying empathy and kindness to other families who were struggling like her own. She learned she could support others like her parents supported her family.
Sofia wasn’t done with her cancer fight. She still had a long road ahead. But despite the odds against her, Scott and his family remembered that even though God said He’d make all things work out in the end, that didn’t always mean that life was going to be easy or pleasant. Sometimes, life would be hard.
Scott nurtured a realistic, positive mindset, and the family relied on God’s love.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.… A cord of three strands is not quickly broken,” (Ecclesiastes 4: 9–12, NIV).
Think of a time where you faced a great difficulty. Did you face it alone or with others? How might facing struggles with others make the fight more bearable? Serious illness can tear a family apart, but a determined decision to rely on God can keep it together.
“A Little Girl’s Battle with Brain Cancer.” Accessed August 4, 2020. http://www.prayforsofia.com/updates/archives/04-2020
This story is based on an interview with Scott Rider.
Story read by Joel Carpenter