April 24. Bruce Porter. Pastor. Firefighter. Chaplain. Bruce has done it all. His position as Moral Leadership Officer with the Civil Air Patrol has taken him to the sites of numerous disasters, in the US and around the world.
Bruce is also an author and an inspirational speaker who has traveled to more than 40 countries to share the gospel.
Ignore big questions, and faith crumbles. Wrestle hard with God, and faith grows.
In the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, Bruce Porter stared at the vast starry heavens, a sob stuck in his throat. He built a campfire in his backyard and sat next to it. “Lord, you’re going to have to explain these things to me because I don’t get it.” The wallet-sized photo of God in his mind didn’t match the horrors he’d witnessed.
For years, Bruce had served those reeling from tragedy. He’d stood next to Rachel Scott’s mother as the Columbine High School massacre had unfolded, and she discovered her daughter had been shot. He’d wept with firefighters at Ground Zero, as they searched for the living among rumble caused by terrorists on 9–11. He’d prayed with grieving police officers after Erfurt, Germany’s 2002 secondary-school shooting.
Bruce believed the gospel traveled “with least resistance over the golden wire of compassion.” So he took the love of Christ into trauma, sorrow, and calamity. Sometimes he spoke at rallies or brought monetary gifts. Always he walked among the hurting. He listened. Prayed. Showed them they were not alone.
But Bruce’s recent trip to Beslan, Russia destroyed him. He’d seen little bloody handprints around school walls, put there by children who’d tried to jump out windows to escape the terror.
The Christian community of Beslan traditionally celebrated the first day of primary school by dressing in their best clothes and taking small gifts to the teachers. But that horrific day, September 1, 2004, Chechen Islamic Terrorists, in full military gear, roared into the school lot and took more than a thousand children, parents, and teachers captive. Throughout the school the terrorists placed bombs. Husbands and sons were murdered, while wives and sisters were forced to watch. Women and girls endured unthinkable abuse.
After a three-day siege, the newspaper reported 350 dead. But Bruce saw the mass grave. There were at least 500.
More than 700 children and adults were wounded, more than the hospital could house. To assess wounds and prioritize medical care, the wounded were placed on the grass outside and sprayed with garden hoses. Bruce had walked among the traumatized community bringing aid, comfort, and his tears.
But now, back home, the memories assaulted Bruce. Memories he couldn’t share. If he told anyone but God, he would wound—as he’d been wounded. But Bruce couldn’t ignore his questions. For faith to survive, he had to find solid footing. Only God could help him.
Bruce breathed a Psalm. “When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” (Psalm 8: 3, NIV).
The stars were his cathedral. Here he would be brutally honest. Bruce was offended at God and figured he should tell God right away. As with human relationships, it was better to keep a short account.
Bruce sobbed his pain. “Why is there evil?” he cried. He talked with God about horrors he could tell no one else. Spewed frustration. Anger. If God was good, and God was love, why did he allow little kids to be slaughtered, imploding buildings to crush people, or young Rachel to be brutally murdered? He couldn’t reconcile it.
The honesty brought tremendous healing.
Bruce had several sessions next to that campfire. God helped him process pain, anger, and questions. And God showed him when he needed to rest from serving, and when he was ready to continue.
Eventually Bruce found peace in the belief that nothing happened in the universe that surprised God. Nothing happened God couldn’t redeem. While God did not author sin, He had a purpose in everything.
Bruce couldn’t control anything. God was the ultimate authority. Trusting God is in control of the world became Bruce’s way to live without fear.
What hard questions do you need to wrestle through with God? Ignore big questions, and faith crumbles. Wrestle hard with God, and faith grows.
Amazon Editorial Review: About the Author.” 9/11 Target: A Ground Zero Responder Speaks on Tyranny, Deception, and Christian Liberty. Accessed August 3, 2020 https: //www.amazon.com/11-Target-Responder-Deception-Christian/dp/1530161770
Based on an interview with Bruce Porter.
Story read by Blake Mattocks
Would You Like to Learn More About This Man?
For more, read Bruce’s books, The Martyrs Torch: The Message of the Columbine Massacre, and Destroying the Shadow Agenda: A Christian Manifesto.