June 22. Chris Quilala. Chris was an on-fire worship leader. When things were good, he worshiped God. When things went wrong, he had to learn what to do.
When pain paralyzes you, hang tight to the truth you know. It can hold you up.
Chris sat down limply. Out of habit, his arm reached for his guitar propped against the couch where he had left it this morning—this morning, when life had been full of hope. He automatically formed chords and began to strum. Hoarsely, barely above a whisper, he sang about a great and loving God. The words seemed ironic at first. The darkest time of his life hardly seemed like a time for praise. But as he sang, he felt hope returning to his shattered soul.
Earlier that day, Chris and his wife Alyssa, nearly nine months pregnant, had driven to a prenatal appointment where a doctor performed several tests.
“I’m sorry,” said the doctor, with real sympathy in his voice. “There is no heartbeat.”
The words hit them like a brick. They could only stare back, dazed.
The doctor told them to go home and process. He would set up an induction to deliver the baby later that afternoon.
Still trying to register the news, Chris helped his wife off the exam table. They held each other and sobbed. Just days ago, his wife had laughed, feeling the baby’s kicks. Now, all was still and quiet. The reality of their baby’s death slowly sunk in.
How did this happen?
God was good. He was merciful, kind, and always loving. These things were still true—right?
On the drive home, Chris kept replaying the truths in his head. As a worship leader, he had sung about them in front of thousands of people. But now, he felt frozen with a horrible choice. Would he choose to believe the truth? Belief, real belief, required action. And he felt tired. Too tired to hold on. It would be easier to let go of the struggle to believe a God who, in this moment, didn’t seem good. But could he just let the storm of his grief and doubts smash every tower of truth he had built?
When they got home, Chris called some close friends and family to come over. He stood in the living room and listened to his pastor pray intensely over his wife. Chris was in awe of the boldness of those prayers. He realized now was the time for his choice.
He walked over to his wife and took her hand. Together with the little group, they began to proclaim God’s deep love in song. They sang about how God always stayed the same, no matter the circumstance. In this dark hour, Chris’s response wouldn’t change either. No matter if it was life or death. No matter if it was perfect joy or deep sadness, he chose faith in the One who holds it all in His loving hands. Chris ran to find refuge in the strong tower of God’s promises and worshiped Him like he never had before.
A few hours later, Chris and Alyssa drove back to the hospital. The sun was still out, warmer and stronger in the late afternoon. Soon they were set up in a hospital room and the painful process of labor and delivery began. Chris held his grieving wife’s hand through it all, praying and worshiping his Lord.
At last, the doctor handed them a little wrapped bundle. They held their lifeless, beautiful child, who was now safe in the arms of Jesus. And they were too. On earth or in heaven, Jesus was their only hope and life.
In an interview, Chris shared, “…Eternity’s real, and I want to anchor myself in eternity. Even though circumstances here on Earth change or there’s mountains and there’s valleys, God doesn’t change. I want to anchor myself in that truth.”
Chris ran his rough, guitar-trained fingers lightly over his baby’s head. He didn’t think he ever would have been prepared for this day, but the truth and promises of God were the strong roots that held him in this storm.
“…We’re going to worship,” said Chris, “We’re going to still proclaim those things that we’ve proclaimed all our lives, that God is good, that He’s our healer, that He’s faithful.”
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18 NLT).
“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock” (Matthew 7:24–25 NLT).
What truths are you building into your life to handle the storms of life? When pain paralyzes you, hang tight to the truth you know. It can hold you up.
Goodwyn, Hannah. “Split The Sky: Jesus Culture’s Chris Quilala Looks To Heaven.” CBN.com. Accessed May 8, 2020.
Quilala, Alyssa, and Chris Quilala. Mending Tomorrow. Pennsauken, NJ: Bookbaby, 2016.