March 22. Pete Noyes. Pete is a banana farmer in Hawaii. It’s not the life he had envisioned for himself back when he was a businessman in Seattle. This is his story.
Even when you think God doesn’t see you, you can come to Him for help.
On his banana farm in Hawaii, Pete was hacking away at ten acres of nine-foot-tall grass with a machete. Hot, tired, and discouraged, Pete hauled back and swung again.
When the machete hit the stump of a dead banana tree, putrid liquid spurted from the stump and drenched him with something like a vile banana smoothie. A horde of insects swarmed him.
Beyond miserable, Pete yelled at God, “Do you know who I am?”
A voice in Pete’s mind said clearly, “Yes.”
The sudden voice caught him off guard. Yes?
Too tired to run from the past any more, Pete remembered back to the day God had abandoned him.
Baby Justin had fussed. Colic made him restless. Debra patted his back as she carried him from their bedroom to the living room so that Pete could sleep.
Pete woke to his normal routine: shower, shave, dress for work. He grabbed his keys and his coat and hurried toward the door. He walked past Justin lying peacefully on the sofa, and Pete didn’t want to wake Justin, so he didn’t stop to kiss him.
Another Seattle day dawned. Pete drove the forty minutes to work, checked messages, shook hands with employees. He placed orders, made phone calls. All routine. Until Debra called.
“I think Justin is dead.” That’s all she said. She hung up.
Pete grabbed his coat and his keys. He ran to the parking lot. God, help me.
Pete drove the same route home as always. Everything had changed, but nothing seemed different. Normal stop-and-go rush-hour traffic. God, move these people out of my way.
Pete saw the sheriff’s sedans, the coroner’s station wagon, an ambulance, but no people.
Pete parked and walked into chaos.
Debra sat motionless, Justin cradled in her arms, his skin a cold bluish-gray. The coroner shook his head and mumbled something about the baby had stopped breathing. Paramedics packed equipment in bags. Why doesn’t someone help her? Can’t anyone revive him?
Two deputies spoke to Debra. Another deputy approached Pete.
“Mr. Noyes?”
Pete nodded.
“Did you notice anything unusual about your son this morning? Anything odd about your wife’s behavior?”
The questions puzzled Pete. No, nothing out of the ordinary. Why? What happened? Wait. No. My wife is a suspect?
Someone took Justin from Debra’s arms and carried him outside to the black station wagon.
Pete’s legs wobbled. Then he ran to the door. That’s it? Stop!
One by one, the responders climbed into their vehicles and crept down the street. No lights, no sirens, just silence.
Pete stood motionless in the doorway. He turned and stared at Debra who stared at nothing. What can I say? What do we do now? Are we supposed to follow them?
Pete wanted to regain some sense of control. He started to tell his wife he was sorry, but the words stuck in his throat. Debra stretched out her hand, but she couldn’t reach Pete.
God, why didn’t you do something? Why didn’t you warn me?
Pete’s shoulders sagged. He had done nothing wrong, but he felt he hadn’t done something right. I should have known. But how could I, God? You didn’t say anything.
Pete did what he had to do. He cooked dinner. He ate—a little. He washed dishes. He tried to sleep.
Five days after Justin died, Pete went back to work. Four years later, he and Debra had gone different directions.
Now, the past seemed surreal. The present hadn’t changed.
Now, under the Hawaii sun twenty-five years later, Pete was calling out to God. “Do You know who I am?”
Pete didn’t wait for an answer. He dropped the machete and sank to his knees. “Can this please be over?” he sobbed. He lifted his arms in surrender. And he felt God lift the weight of his guilt and anger.
Pete stood and lifted his head. He stared at a man on the horizon, with one hand extended toward him.
Is that You, God?
“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most” (Hebrews 4:16 NLT).
Maybe you’ve wondered if God knows, if He cares. Even when you think God doesn’t see you, you can come to Him for help.
This story is based on an interview with Pete Noyes on November 13, 2019.
Story read by Nathan Walker