January 10. Ray Neufeld. Ray was inducted into the Manitoba Hockey Hall of Fame. He is known as a right winger with a big shot. He played hard-hitting hockey for 14 years—595 NHL games and 235 AHL games. But Ray scored some of his biggest triumphs off the ice. Here’s the story.
Buried bitterness breeds nothing but trouble. Face off with God; He’ll set you free.
For Ray, it was time for a face-off with God. Ray packed a bag, climbed into his truck, and drove toward his lake house in Ontario.
As he drove, his mind wandered back to the trade of 1985—when he had replaced a popular player on the Winnipeg Jets. The player was a stand-up guy, popular with his teammates, popular with the fans, popular with everybody.
Usually, stuff happens, and life carries on. Guys get traded, and hockey carries on. But for Ray, that trade never went away.
Even many years later, when Ray walked the streets of Winnipeg, people remembered him as “the guy from the Trade in ’85.”
Ray hadn’t even wanted to move to the Jets. But he had shown up, played hard, and had a successful hockey career.
Why couldn’t he be remembered for his contributions? It especially hurt because he was a Manitoba native. The lack of acceptance got so old—and painful—that after Ray retired from hockey, he didn’t enter a rink for more than ten years.
When Ray arrived at the lake house, he parked and unlocked the door. Hunkered down for the long, cold Canadian winter. In the silent snowy stillness, it was just him and God.
The days unfolded slowly. So did Ray’s thoughts, emotions, and reflections. He had pushed his pain down. A man was supposed to just move on, right?
But deep inside, Ray hadn’t moved on.
Now Ray told God stuff he had never told anyone. He told God about the pain—not only around hockey—that Ray had shoved down. At first it felt scary, but what was he afraid of? It was always safe to be honest with God.
Grief dripped out in tears. Wailed out in sobs. Roared out in screams. Years of bitterness poured into a journal.
Now he understood his pain had festered into buried bitterness. Bitterness had colored his ability to process life. Spilled out into other jobs—and relationships. Created new challenges. As he had lived through the problems, he had wondered where God was. Back then, when he had asked God and heard nothing, it compounded the pain—which he had lugged around hidden for years.
New thoughts surfaced. When he got traded, he had struggled for sobriety. With the trade came teammates Doug Smail and Laurie Boschman. And Ray hung with them to avoid alcohol.
They became friends. Showed him Jesus. Ray quit drinking and put his life together. The trade gave him a renewed relationship with Jesus. But then he had allowed the hurt of the trade to push Jesus away.
And why was he so bitter at hockey? All over Canada, boys dreamed of the life he had lived. Sure, as a hometown player, it hurt to receive such little respect, but did it matter in the big picture of life? Of being on God’s team? People could say what they wanted. It didn’t have to affect who he was.
Snow fell. Winter days stretched. Ray forgave those who had hurt him. He released bitterness. But, when God asked Ray to forgive himself, it was harder.
Too often, Ray had allowed bitterness to drive his words and actions. And after he did that, gnawing guilt ate at him. Now, face-to-face with God, Ray confronted all the ways he had failed. He got it all out in the open.
God took it, forgave it, and gave Ray peace. Like he had been bathed from the inside out. Relaxation rolling down from the top of his head, flushing through him, spreading out and replacing the old feelings.
Once he understood how huge God’s forgiveness was, Ray saw God more clearly, worshiped more deeply, and lived in new freedom.
For sure, in springtime, Manitoba is icy. But Ray’s heart was thawed. He felt connected to God. He read his Bible, journaled hopeful things—like God’s promises—and praised God through music.
Ray clung to the words he read in the first chapter of Philippians—that God would finish the good work He had started in him. When Ray put God—and His perspective—first, Ray again felt like a champion.
“Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many” (Hebrews 12:15 NLT).
The battle we often face is: when our identity is in what we do instead of who we are, being traded or changing jobs devastate us. Do you have the courage to talk honestly with God about your pain? Buried bitterness breeds nothing but trouble. Face off with God; He’ll set you free.
Based on an interview with Ray Neufeld on October 27, 2019.